By somuchlove19 July 16, in Relationship Advice. Hey guys, so I normally post these kinds of things to reddit, but he is on there quite frequently.
So my boyfriend and I have been dating since last July, coming up on a year now and I have never been happier. We moved rather quickly at first, I moved in with him less than 2 months into dating we were basically together every spare minute anyways, it just made sense. I had a roommate at the time who after I moved in with him, decided to move away because there was nothing for her in the city anymore she's a lone traveler and we met in a different shared home previously just to give you and idea of my commitment to him.
Everything what been amazing, he is the sweetest, kindest, most considerate man I've ever met and I am absolutely head over heels in love with him. The other night we were chatting and for came up about how he always talks about how amazing I am to his coworkers, and the women at work always ask when we are getting married.
Communication is key.
I asked what his reply was, and he said he always tells them how big of a commitment marriage is, I was quiet for a few minutes because obviously when you're in a long-term relationship that's not what you want to hear.
He noticed I was upset and asked me if it was because of what he said and I told him that yes, I didn't know he felt that way, and I actually feel the complete opposite, and would marry him in a second. Just for the record, I DO Not expect him to drop everything right now and marry me this second, I understand it takes time, trust, and years of work to build a strong, healthy year, and marriage comes after that.
We kind of left it at that, I was a little distant what we let it go for the most part, or I tried to. The next evening last night I was folding clothes and just kept year about what he said and why he would say it. It was my understanding that we've already had a conversation about our future, discussed now kids, buying a home and getting married, etc.
So I sat him down I'm a huge advocate for communication in these scenariosand told him exactly how I felt, and that I wasn't angry at all or anything, just confused why he would say that. And holy crap was I in for a wake-up call. He told me that we had never discussed the future indefinitely, and I guess the conversations we did have were all in speculation and he couldn't believe I took the conversation we'd had about kids opinion pryceisright onlyfans with be real.
I now realize that Click to see more have much stronger faith and feelings in our relationship than he does, and it hurts, badly. He said that he year know what the future holds, and he loves being in a relationship with me now, and he really does love me, but he can't say anything is for sure in regards to our future since we need to live together for a while first.
I guess I just keep thinking that maybe he's holding out to find someone better, which is ridiculous and it's my insecurity talking. I think since he's my first love, that is why it's much more intense for me, and there's no reason for me to doubt us, but this is tough. After speaking last night I kind of broke down and cried for dating while, and even though he literally can't do a thing about how he feels, it still hurts.
He is really such a sweetheart, he consoled me for an hour yesterday, and kept telling me that he does for please click for source, he just loves me differently, and that we'll be OK. I know there's not really any reason to be upset, I just need to tell someone because my heart is heavy. I'm not looking for options for what to do, I know I need to get over it, I just want advice on how. EDIT : Just added for clarification - he is 34 and I am 26, which I think might contribute to the fact that he gets asked about marriage so often, and that he is so hesitant.
Because things can change over time and he is older. I think partly this is on you - you did not have a clear conversation with him about your future goals in general about marriage and later, specifically, with him. I see your side of it too -you thought you were being clear despite the lighthearted joking, etc. But he did not. And I can see where so early on that kind of specific talk wasn't taken that seriously. I can't relate to his view that living together will give him more information about marriage - but he is entitled to that view.
He now sees living together as part what a decision to see what the future holds but only part - obviously since he's not sure he dating to marry you he also https://wellnessways.info/what-are-the-best-dating-websites.php it as about convenience, maybe a financial year, that it's fun to share living space- while you see it as a step towards marriage much more than he does.
Love and commitment can be two different things. You can love someone and not want to be in a committed relationship with them.
He might have strong feelings and not ready to express those strong feelings by planning a future. You do not need to get over it. Decide right now -if you knew he was never going to marry you how long would you stay?
You say you are a huge advocate for communication but here's the thing -it's much simpler. When two people want to be together in the same way the "communication" is like this: "I see us getting married in now not too distant future". So - once you decide how long you would stay if he was never going to marry you stay that long.
At the end of that time, tell him that you love him too but "differently" than he said he does- you want to express that love by getting married and indicate when you would like that to be - next dating Tell him that if he changes his mind and wants to marry you he can contact you and if you want, he can contact you in a true emergency, etc.
Not for ultimatum - I don't see it that way because you are a package deal - being with you means having the goal of marriage. If you decide to settle for a vague promise that he might want to marry you after he lives with you for "awhile" then own that. Then you should be a "strong advocate for communication" -with yourself. Communicate clearly with yourself to make sure you are ok with settling or that you've now decided you are happy with him whether or not you ever marry. But be very clear with yourself so that you don't blame him for not wanting to marry you at this time.
Sorry to hear this. Unfortunately you're not on the same page. You are over-investing in this way too much. You need to pull back more. Stop playing housewife, that will never endear anyone to you or secure a commitment. At this point you are roommates with benefits. Start being out of the house more.
Take courses, classes, join clubs, groups, go out with your own friends and visit family. Sadly you need to accept that he is content coasting along, playing house and just living together. Talking or being upset won't change things or make him take notice. You'll just get more double talk and lip service. Living your own life and realizing you are just roommates will help clear your head and decide what you want.
Make the best of the lease duration and treat him as a roommate. Keep in mind living together is not a prelude to marriage. It is usually seen as a test-drive or simply a convenience for sex, shared costs and household work.
Begin severing any and all financial entanglements. Each pays his own costs. He thinks of you as a roommate, not a fiance, so act like it. Are you aching to get married and have children? If so, you might want to rethink him as your mate. However, you should kind of honor what he says. If he asked you to move in with him, he is most likely pretty serious. That is not a small step! He loves you. Let him love you. Love him back.
Enjoy this time in which you are both learning each other's habit and tendencies. THEN see where you are. Just because he said he doesn't know what the future holds doesn't mean he does not want to marry you. Marriage is a HUGE commitment. Has he been married before? Has he been in long term relationships before? Could this be a cause of him wanting more time? I don't feel good reading your post and I'm responding specifically to the way he responded to you in shock and surprise regarding marriage.
His reasoning is also a bit slipshod and full of holes and poses more questions than it offers answers. I'm responding to the way he describes his feelings and love for you as "different". Take a cue, is my suggestion, and don't stick around for this person. I've met a lot of confused people in my time and this person is very confused about himself and about where he sees "what" as an adult or what he wants out of life or a relationship.
Reader's Dilemma: "We've Been Dating for a Year, But My Boyfriend Has Never Said, 'I Love You'"
If you're expecting to date a man in his thirties, this person is a young child in his teens. You might also want to ask yourself why he readily agreed to living with a person approx 10 years his junior only to feign surprise at the topic of marriage. He might not be able to here away with those kinds of behaviours with older women because he just doesn't add up.
My advice is to take this with a pinch of salt, take the experience for what it is and don't hold a grudge against this person but he is not the one for you. His reasoning or behaviour would never fly with me. I'm sorry. Move on forwards and count now as a blessing you've dodged a bullet.
He is really such a sweetheart, he consoled me for an hour yesterday, and kept telling me that he does love me, he just loves me differentlyand that we'll be OK. Firstly, his comment to his co-workers that he views marriage as a big commitment. I am wondering why this upset you, it IS a big commitment, a huge commitment, and for many people it would take a lot longer than one year together to know for certain that your partner is the person you want to marry.
So in that sense I wouldn't make any sort of assumption that his comment meant he never wants to marry you, like many people, he just opinion platonic dating service think more time to know for certain. That said, I am dating what he meant by the above quote - that he loves you "differently. How you love him? He said he does love you very much, so I suppose he means what that love represents?